Don’t Make Mountains Out of Mole Hills
Parents need to pick and choose the issues and behaviors they wish to address. Don’t pick, pick, pick at every issue. Maintain your perspective and crediability with your children. Don’t take a small problem and make it a big problem.
Get OUT of Your Brother’s Room!
Here is another example (following up on our last tip) that only tells your child what it is you “don’t” want him/her to be doing. Try replacing the negative statement with a clear direction of what you do want. “I WANT you to leave your brother’s room AND go finish your homework, now.” This again increases the chances that your child will know what you do expect.
Punishment is ONLY 1/2 a program
Positive parenting is built around reinforcing the behaviors you DO like. When you just punish your chld you may tell him/her what you DON’T want, but you have only accomplished 1/2 the job… TELL CHILDREN WHAT YOU DO WANT, tell your child you noticed that behavior when it does happen and you have increased the chance of the desired behavior happening again.
Two minutes of time-out is just as effective as 1/2 hour
Many parents know how to put children in Time-Out, but did you know that research has found that a child disciplined with only 2 minutes in a time-out responds as well or better then a child who has been disciplined for 1/2 of an hour. Time-out is most effective when used as an opportunity for a child to be removed from an over stimulating situation, where he/she was failing to make good decisions , for only a brief period of time. The child should be given a chance following the time-out to again succeed and be praised for his/her success.
Act… Don’t React
This is just another way of saying, “stop and think what you are doing.” When parents find themselves just reacting to the children’s behavior, it leaves the kids in control. Their behavior is actually dictating your behavior. So stop and think, “what is it I want to do/say?” This puts the control back in the hands of the adult.
Power Struggles Are A No Win Situation
When your children talk back to you, test you by throwing a temper tantrum or defy your authority, it is often an attempt to express their personal power. Avoid power struggles whenever possible. By ignoring these emotional responses you give the message that you are in charge and that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. Many parents simply walk out of the room or say that they will be in the next room when he/she feels like “trying again.” It is important that you do not leave in anger nor that you express criticism for your child’s difficulty. Your response models for your children appropriate personal power, self-control and self-confidence. While they may be out of control, you remain in a position of control and power.