Raise Children With Social Interest

by Shirley King

Alfred Adler (1870-1937) was an Austrian psychiatrist who worked with Sigmund Freud. In 1911, Adler broke with Freud to set up his own theory of psychology which he called "Individual Psychology." In 1920 he became director of the first children's psychology clinic in Vienna. He advocated social equality for all people, all races and for women and children, too. Equality here means equal rights of dignity and respect.

There are several interesting points he made that are relevant and important in the area of parenting.

1. We are all social beings with the need to belong. Our children also have this need to belong. Early childhood is time when our children are learning how to belong. Positive ways of belonging are contribution and cooperation. We want our kids to feel 'I belong by contributing, and "I am interested in cooperating."

2. We all need to feel significant, useful, valuable and important. Our children, too. Our job as parents is to help our children feel significant, important and worthwhile in a positive, meaningful way.

3. We all need to find our place. Once again--so, too, our children. Initially infants and young children find their place in the family. Then, as they grow, they find their place with the neighbors, at Sunday School, in scouts, in Little League, in school, etc. Later on we find our place in the community, at church, in our work and in our love relationships. We want our children to find an important and positive place in their world.

Belonging and significance are key ideas in Adlerian psychology. Adler wrote that "social interest is having a true, caring concern for other people, and a real desire to make a contribution to society. What we really understand by crime is an intentional injury of others for one's own advantage. Obviously then, the problem concerns human beings in whom social interest is not sufficiently developed," wrote Adler in 1935.

Concerning children raised with social interest, he wrote, "A child so trained will feel himself to be a part of a whole, a member who lives with, works with, and plays with other members, and who regard first the small tasks of his childhood and later the greatest tasks of his maturity in only one way--by asking himself this question, 'what can I contribute?" An individual so trained in childhood will never show criminal tendencies, even when the pressure of external circumstances becomes a severe as it is today when so many are failing.

Instilling a feeling of social interest in our children is crucial in parenting today. Raising children today is no easy undertaking. Parents need to help their children gain a feeling of belonging and significance, along with a care, concern, and contribution to others - social interest. "Your city is not different from any other American city," says Tracy Everson, director of the Hays Shelter Home. "Kids join gangs because they have an undeniable need to belong."

Meaningful contribution to the welfare and well-being of others is a wonderful, powerful way to gain a sense of belonging and significance in one's life. Our children too!