Excuse Me Please, How To Stop the Interrupting

by Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting, and Kid Cooperation

Have you every been engrossed in a conversation with a friend when your train of thought is interrupted by a little voice pleading, "Can I please have a cookie?" So you patiently and politely inform your little one, "I'm talking honey, I'll be with you in a minute." You turn to your friend to continue your conversation only to hear that little voice again, "I want one right now. I'm hungry." You take a deep breath and sigh, "We'll be having dinner in a little while." Thinking that you've now solved the problem you turn to talk to your (somewhat-perturbed- and-I-can't-say-that-I-blame-her) friend, only to find your own words drowned out by a rather high-pitched voice, "I can't wait until dinner. I want one nowwww."

If you're a normal parent, and you have normal children, I'm sure that you have lived through this rather annoying but VERY normal - scenario.

When I was writing my new book, I interviewed hundreds of parents to find out the most common problems that parents were dealing with. "Interrupting" ranked very high on the list! So, without further ado, here, at last, are some answers:

Question: My husband and I haven't finished a complete sentence since last July! Our children interrupt our conversations constantly. Even while I'm asking them to wait until we're done talking they're busy interrupting my request! How do I get them to stop interrupting us?

Think about it: Many parents admonish kids for interrupting, but in the same breath they respond to the child's interrupted request! Interrupting is habit forming. Like many annoying behaviors, once kids figure out that they can "get away with it," the behavior will continue.

Teach: Teach your child how to determine if something warrants an interruption. Children often are so focused on their own needs that they don't really absorb the fact that they're being rude. Teach your child to wait for a pause in the conversation and to say, "Excuse me." When she does this, respond positively. If the interruption is of a nature that it can and should wait, politely inform your child of this and then continue talking.

Use 'The Squeeze': Tell your child that if she wants something when you are talking to another adult, she should walk up to you and gently squeeze your arm. You will then squeeze her hand to indicate that you know she is there and will be with her in a minute. At first, respond rather quickly so your child can see the success of this method. Over time you can wait longer, just give a gentle squeeze every few minutes to remind your child that you remember the request.

Give clear messages: Pause, look your child in the eye, and say, "I'll be with you in a minute." Then turn your face, body and attention away from your child. Do not engage your child with repeated pleas for her to stop. If your child continues to interrupt, motion to the person you're talking with to walk away with you.

Praise good manners: Praise your child for using good manners, remembering to say "excuse me," and for interrupting only for a valid reason.

Perfect Parenting Elizabeth Pantley is author of Perfect Parenting, Kid Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues. Elizabeth's newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Twins, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines. This new book is currently available in stores, or you can order to receive an autographed copy.