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1. Call it what is is. Don't
be afraid of "labeling" the child. It is important for your
child to have appropriate and accurate words to describe his or
her difficulties to aid in self-understanding and in discussing
these difficulties with other people. Often, children have
already labeled themselves with such negative terms as "stupid"
or "retarded." More accurate descriptors such as "attention
deficit disorder" and "learning disability" are less likely to
result in negative perceptions by your child and others. Give
your child the "material" to explain to others: "I have a
reading disability and it will take me a bit longer to learn to
read, but I will."
2. Don't worry that your child will use the ADHD/LD as an
excuse not to work. Often parents are concerned that, once
diagnosed and given information about the disability, the child
will use this as an excuse for not working harder at school. A
similar concern has been expressed related to the child's
relying on stimulant medication to assist with attentional
problems in the classroom. Your child needs to be told clearly
what the medication is intended to do (i.e., help with attention
and concentration) and, importantly, what he or she needs to do
(i.e., that she or he will need to work harder to compensate for
areas of difficulty). Without accurate information, children
often underachieve due to frustration, repeated failures, or
being labeled as "lazy" or disobedient.
3. Be open and accepting of your child's difficulties. Your
attitude toward your child's problems clearly will impact
self-image and self-esteem. If you treat the ADHD/LD as a
shameful secret, your child may internalize this negative
attitude. Be open and frank about the disability when discussing
it with family, friends, and other significant people in your
child's life. If you ignore the problem or overreact to it, your
child could react in the same way. It is often a painful and
difficult process for parents to be accepting. It is also
essential to your child.
4. Talk about individual strengths and weaknesses. It is
important for your child to understand that everyone has things
at which they excel and other things at which they must work
harder. Reference to significant persons in the child's life
might be helpful here, e.g., "Daddy's really good on the
computer but he has to work hard to fix things around the
house." " You're really good at fixing things but you have
trouble with math." Helping your child identify his or her
strengths will promote self-esteem. Emphasizing these strengths
will also be helpful to develop coping strategies to accomodate
the child's weaker areas.
5. Emphasize the physiological nature of ADD/LD. Research has
consistently emphasized the physiological basis of Attention
Deficit Disorder and certain types of learning disabilities. It
is not a flaw of the child's character or the result of inferior
parenting. It is like being born with blue eyes or brown eyes,
curly hair or straight hair. Similarly, the use of medication is
not a reflection of one's failure to persevere or to work
harder: we would not expect a diabetic to metabolize starches
more effectively through persuasion and not require medication.
No one is perfect. It would be a dull world if everyone was the
same.
6. Let the child know that ADHD/LD is a common problem. It is
important that your child know that he or she is not the only
one who has this difficulty. There are very likely other
children at your child's school who are taking medication or who
require special help with their work. There may even be other
children in your child's classroom who experience similar
problems. As ADD/ADHD and LD often run in families, your child
may also have a relative who experienced similar difficulties at
school, e.g., a parent, an aunt or uncle, or an older sibling.
7. Explain what ADHD/LD is and what it is not. In comparing
themselves to their peers, some children conclude that the
reason they are having difficulty is because they are not as
smart as other kids. It is important to explain that attention
problems and learning disabilities have nothing to do with
intelligence. It is a matter of learning differently, or
learning styles, and needing more time and hard work to process
certain types of information and complete certain tasks, e.g.,
reading and writing. Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison are cases
in point.
8. The earlier the better. Children are very sensitive to
differences between themselves and their same-age peers. Once in
school, others may call attention to real and perceived
differences and tease the child about them. The sooner you can
provide accurate and supportive explanations for why the child
is struggling in some areas, the less likelihood your child will
develop negative misconceptions about him or herself (e.g., "I'm
not as smart as the rest of my class").
9. Set aside a special time to discuss these issues. When
you're planning to have this discussion with your child, ensure
that you have the child's complete attention and that he or she
is in a receptive mood. Endeavor to make this discussion
interactive rather than using a lecture format: provide
information in little bits so as not to overwhelm the child's
ability to process and integrate the information; encourage your
child to ask questions; and be prepared to listen to your
child's concerns and address them as supportively as you can.
10. Information must be age-appropriate. When deciding what
to tell your child, be sensitive to the child's developmental
level and emotional maturity. Only give as much information as
you believe he or she can handle at this age. Use words and
phrases that the child can understand and pronounce. As your
child matures, he or she will be ready for additional
information and discussion. Understanding of these issues will
build gradually over the years. Ask questions about the child's
learning and social experiences to use as your guideline and to
adjust your information with his or her understanding.
11. Use lots of comparisons and examples with which the child
can identify. Depending on your child's age and maturity, his or
her understanding may be enhanced through the use of concrete
examples and analogies. e.g.,"Your friend, Brian, needs glasses
to help his eyes see better. You need medication to help your
brain pay attention better." "Its like a T.V. that keeps
switching channels." "Some babies learn to walk earlier than
others. They walk when they are ready. Some children read
earlier than others. You need more time, but you will learn to
read."
12. Ensure that your child has other people s/he can talk to.
Encourage your child to talk to his or her doctor, teacher, or
mental health professional about any questions or concerns.
Sometimes it is easier for children to express their feelings to
someone outside of the family.
13. Be prepared for specific questions that might come up.
e.g., How did I get ADD/LD? Am I the only one who has it? Why do
I have to take medication for it? Will I always have trouble in
school? Will I be able to read better someday? Resource
materials and consultation with knowledgable professionals will
help you prepare appropriate answers to these and other likely
questions.
14. Obtain pamphlets, books, and videotapes on ADHD and LD
that you can share with your child. The Learning Disabilities
Associations often have a resource library list which can help
you identify age-appropriate materials to share with your child.
Reading books and watching videos together will help you open up
discussion of these important issues and will assist in
answering your child's questions. Contact your local Learning
Disabilities Association for more information.
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References:
Smith, Sally, No Easy Answers, Bantam Books, Revised Edition
1995.
Rowe, Jane, Yours by Choice, Routledge & Kegan Paul, Revised
Edition 1982
Fowler, Mary, Maybe You Know My Kid, 2nd edition Birch Lane
Press 1994
Stern, Judith, "Helping Children Understand their Attention and
Learning Problems", speech given at CH.A.A.D. 6th Annual
Conference, October, 1994.
"Newslines" Fall, 1995
Learning Disabilities Association of Manitoba
60 Maryland Street, Winnipeg, Manitoba, CANADA R3G 1K7
(204)774-1821 Fax: (204)788-4090
Original articles from LDA Manitoba may be reprinted or copied
without permission. Reference to LDA Manitoba and the author(s)
would be appreciated.
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