Detachment Disorder: Kids Without a Conscience

By: Shirley King, Dateline: 12/1/97

There is a time frame in infancy and early childhood that is critically important for the development of a healthy loving attachment with loving care givers (usually the Mother). It cannot be stated emphatically enough how important this early bonding is for the child's future emotional and psychological health and development. The greatest vulnerability in before the age of three.

Certainly all human problems cannot be categorically on breaks in the bonding and attachment process. However, the development of antisocial personality disorder (APD) or a sociopath or a psychopath can have roots in the breaks or disturbances in the attachment process with a care giver.

The bonding and attachment that a mother and child experience together is vital for the development of trust in the child. If in the very first relationship the stage has not been set for trust, then his future relationships cannot be based on trust. Selma Frailberg MD. writes in Every Child's Birthright: In Defense of Mothering "The distinguishing characteristics of the disease of non-attachment is the incapacity of a person to form human bonds." Lacking trust and human bonds with any other human, the child learns to not care for others because others haven't cared for him. And a very sad and serious result if he fails to develop a conscience.

Dr. Ken Magid and Carol A. McKelvey have written a provocative and captivating book on this topic entitled High Risk: Children Without a Conscience. They open their book with a chilling account of a 9 year old boy who, purposefully and without apparent remorse, drowns a 3 year old.

There are numerous reasons for the bonding breaks and disturbances which can contribute to or create a character disturbed children and sociopath adults. Among them are: trauma, abuse, neglect, chronic illness, divorce, late or failed adoption, alcoholism, parents returning to work too soon, bouncing around in foster care, postpartum depression, genetic influences, poverty, teen pregnancy, and poor parenting. Magid and Mckelvey write "We believe most delinquents are unattached children who have not had nurturing environments."

One local couple shared this with me about life with their unattached teen: "We adopted him at age 6 from an orphanage in South America. We knew he'd be abused prior to coming to the orphanage. Boy, did he begin to "find" things. Then it dawned on us that he was stealing, and lying about everything. The lying and stealing got worse at the start of the teen years. We cannot believe anything he says, ever. He doesn't have feelings like you or I do. Everything in the book High Risk fits him to a tee.

The lying, stealing, deception, phoniness, big ego, lack of giving and receiving affection, no eye contact, are all there. I praise the Lord that we've not seen him with the preoccupation of blood and gore that the book mentions. He does what he does to survive and that's it. It is important though, to keep loving him so our other kids will know parental love in unconditional and unending."

It is time to realize the vital importance of the early years of a child's life, not only for the child's benefit, but for the protection and benefit of society as well.