The Challenging Child - Part 2

Parent and Child

Last month in Part one out our review of Stanley I. Greenspan M.D.'s book, The Challenging Child, we talked about the five different tempermental and personality types of "challenging" children. Once parents have identified their particular child's pattern, Part II of our review provides a sampling of parenting ideas Dr. Greenspan had suggested for that particular pattern.

The Highly Sensitive Child is an easily overwhelmed, emotionally charged child who seemingly erupts emotionally over everything in her life--large or small. Dr. Greenspan suggest a five-part strategy with this child:

(1) spending time with involvement, security and warmth;(2) problem solving time for discussing difernt dificulties; (3) empathy for understanding closeness; (4) breaking big challenges into small pieces for success; (5) setting limits gently and firmly for cooperation.

The Self-Absorbed Child is more at home with his own inner world of fantasy and daydream than the outer world of reality. Dr Greenspan suggests parents learn to insert themselves into the child's life and then begin drawing him out and gently wooing him into the world. "Your goal is to motivate him to want to join in," he writes.

The Defiant Child is the stubborn, negative, controlling child who fights his parents every step of the way. Dr. Greenspan suggest that the most important thing is that the parent has empathy with this child's insercurities and "be as soothing as possible." Parents need to "slip under the child's defiance" and offer him love and nurturing, along with kind and firm limits. These children have very stong, intense feelings that parents need to understand what he is feeling.

The Inattentive Child is the child whose parent's describe him as "spacey" or is often labeled as ADD. Dr Greenspan suggests initially figuring out where the attentio problem lies. Is it auditory? Verbal? Motor? Affect? etc. Children with attention problems in one area have no trouble whatsoever staying on task in other areas where they have personal interests. Often times parents and teachers notice only the inadequacies of children. Dr Greenspan suggests noticing the child's strength and ablities. They need to practice becoming more attentive in their weaker areas, not in a critical way, but in an encouraging, helpful manner.

The Active/Aggressive Child is easily angered, frustrated and rageful and his behavior shows quite clearly what he is feeling. Dr Greenspan suggests that it is important that parents help their child devolpa reflective attitude; the ability to think about your feelings and what you want to do then see the consequinces ahead of time. This child needs extra security and understanding, along with help devolping his nurturing, caring side of life.

No matter what sort of tempermental pattern your child exhibits, the important thing to keep in mind is that we honor and cherish them just as they are. We can help our children grow and devolp into all that they were born to be. We can help then grow into their full potential thanks, inpart, to their temperment, but certainly not in spite of it.