Guilt. The child may see himself or herself as the main cause
of the mother's or father's drinking.
Anxiety. The child may worry constantly about the situation at
home. He or she is afraid the alcoholic parent will become sick or injured,
and may also fear fights and violence between the parents.
Embarrassment. Parents may give the message that there is a terrible
secret at home. The ashamed child does not invite friends home and is afraid
to ask anyone for help.
Inability to have close relationships. Because the child has
been disappointed by the drinking parent many times, he or she often does
not trust others.
Confusion. The alcoholic parent will change suddenly from being
loving to angry, regardless of the child's behavior. A regular daily schedule,
which is very important for a child, does not exist because bedtimes and
mealtimes are constantly changing.
Anger.. The child feels anger at the alcoholic parent for drinking,
and may be angry at the non-alcoholic parent for lack of support and protection.
Depression. The child feels lonely and helpless to change the
situation.
Although the child tries to keep the alcoholism a secret, teachers,
relatives, other adults or friends may sense that something is wrong. Child
and adolescent psychiatrists advise that the following behaviors may signal
a drinking problem at home:
- Failure in school; truancy.
- Lack of friends; withdrawal from classmates.
- Delinquent behavior, such as stealing or violence.
- Frequent physical complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches.
- Abuse of drugs or alcohol.
- Aggression towards other children.
Some children of alcoholics may act like responsible "parents"
within the family and among friends. They may cope with the alcoholism
by becoming controlled, successful "overachievers" throughout
school, and at the same time be emotionally isolated from other children
and teachers. Their emotional problems may show only when they become adults.
Whether or not their parents are receiving treatment for alcoholism,
these children and adolescents can benefit from educational programs and
mutual-help groups such as programs for children of alcoholics, Al-Anon
and Alateen. Professional help, the earlier the better, is also important
in preventing more serious problems for the child, including alcoholism.
Child and adolescent psychiatrists help these children with their own problems,
and also help them to understand they are not responsible for the drinking
problems of their parents.
The treatment program may include group therapy with other youngsters,
which reduces the isolation of being a child of an alcoholic. The child
and adolescent psychiatrist will often work with the entire family--particularly
when the alcoholic parent has stopped drinking--to help them develop healthier
ways of relating to one another.
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